Lady Queens, you should know by now the importance of forming your Sisterhood. One of the key steps in forming Sisterhood is to stop comparing yourself to other women and instead connect with other women. And the reason most of us compete with and compare ourselves to other women? Low self-worth.
Admit it, we can all relate to this. And we’re willing to bet you’ve asked your partner questions like, ‘If you could date any of my friends who would it be?’ or ‘Which of my friends do you think is the prettiest?’ We’ve all done it, and it almost always leads to an argument. After all, if your partner says something nice about another woman while you’re fishing for compliments, it’s only going to end in tears. You end up feeling like your partner prefers someone else to you.
A lack of self-worth is a slippery slope to a life of unfulfilled dreams. You end up being held hostage in your own body, watching your life slip by. Is that what you desire, Lady Queen? We can hear you now, screaming ‘Hell no!’ You are here to be glorious, in pleasure, and living your dreams — like you deserve! And so, the question is: how do you break free of this lack of self-worth?
Ready for this? Get a pen out, you might want to take notes.
‘Is that it?’ we hear you asking. Let’s go deeper.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with being a pushover; it means no longer holding an emotional charge about a situation, another person, or ourselves. When you forgive, you shift your perception around a charged emotion that’s holding you hostage. Once that charge is gone, you’re free to open to pleasure, respect, and love — and then ask for and accept those qualities from the people around you.
Going back to competition, those initial emotions of comparison might be the result of living in a masculine-dominated world. You’ve possibly taken on more masculine qualities, rather than embracing your magical feminine. To be clear — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with masculine qualities, but when you as a woman adopt more masculine over feminine qualities, something in you will inevitably feel ‘off’.
Competition amongst women for a man’s attention does have roots. Women are hard-wired to seek protection from men. Now, before you start shouting, ‘Women can protect themselves, thank-you-very-much,’ and cue the Beyoncé soundtrack, allow us to explain. This is about our primal survival instincts, the ones programmed into us, tracing back to our ancestors. Historically, women did need protection from men, so this competition for a man’s attention was about survival. Obviously, we’ve outgrown this need in our modern Western societies (thank Goddess), but that instinctual sense of competition can remain, leading women to feel like they’re playing a game.
Men tend to play games as part of their modus operandi. It’s in their nature, even if they are unaware of it, to turn courting into a game. Think of these examples that you have probably experienced at some point:
Truth or dare
Spin the bottle
7 minutes in Heaven
Prom/Homecoming Queen at American high schools.
We’re sure you’ve experienced a time when you went out with a group of girlfriends and got picked up by a group of guys — and we bet the girls all started vying for the guys’ attention, right? There’s even a sneaky tactic employed by pickup artists where they’ll approach a group of girls and flirt with all of them, except for the one the pickup artist wants to ensnare. She will in turn feel neglected, which means she’ll work harder to compete for attention, making her easy prey.
So, how can you respond as a Lady Queen when you find yourself in a situation of comparison or competition?
Acknowledge what you might be feeling due to insecurities and where they have come from.
Own who you are unapologetically.
Ask yourself: Where is this insecurity coming from?
Most likely, the insecurity came from somewhere/sometime else, and you’ve been dragging it around with you for a while. Digging into these insecurities might feel like detective work, but you’ve got to earn your diamonds. It’s worth taking the time to understand yourself better, so you can claim your crown and sashay down the path to Queendom.
When you understand what you’re feeling, you can learn to release the emotion, diffuse the situation, and make choices that serve you and the women around you, creating — you guessed it — Sisterhood. And this brings us back to the issue of self-worth. Find ways to engage with and compliment the woman in front of you; make her feel like she’s important, rather than competition. When you find ways to let other women in on the secret that we are all in collaboration and co-creation of Queendom, rather than festering in competition, you are laying the strong foundations of Sisterhood. You will feel safer because you know you’ve got your support system of Sisterhood.
It comes down to this: we all need to know our worth. We all need to feel our worth, and we especially need to remember that pleasure is our compass and use it!
As always, here’s to claiming, embodying, and living in pleasure!
Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.
Love, Teany and Savannah