Make it All About YOU
Lady Queen, we know you’re all about your self-care. Or you try to be, right? But did you know you can unintentionally sabotage your self-care? Your habit mind is often the culprit here. To flip those unserving habits on their naughty little heads, we want you to make it all about YOU. Yup, that’s right — all about you. Our last several articles have been about your business and relationships, but it’s time to return to Self. Even if it sounds selfish on the surface, it’s a simple truth that everything in your life starts with you. You are the center of your own universe! So, Queen, let’s get your habit mind in order.
“What is this habit mind you speak of?” we hear you asking. In a nutshell, your habit mind forms between birth and age six. Because of this, it’s easy to think that any issues you develop in childhood will haunt you for life. And yeah, sometimes, they do — unless you know how to change things. Remember, you can change and shape anything in your life if you know how. Think of your habit mind like a blueprint for your fundamental responses in life. Habits are simple things: what your mind repeats, it believes and then creates.
Say that with us one more time, and let it sink in. What your mind repeats, it believes and then creates.
Changing your habit mind may sound like a big job, but it’s quite simple: uncover what your habit mind has been telling you, then reframe it consistently. Consistency is the key here. Identify the key phrases you catch yourself saying that inhibit your ability to mentally self-nurture. Your habit mind might be repeating things like, “I’m unloveable, I’m inadequate, and everything is going to go wrong.” (Other times your habit mind might repeat feelings, like dislike, disdain, and a lack of love.) How do you reframe and rephrase these habits? By flipping them on their heads. In this example, you’d repeat to yourself, “I am loved, I am enough, and everything is going to be ok!” Once you choose your new phrase, program it into your phone’s calendar so it pops up about six times a day every day. When it flashes up, read it and say, “YES!!!”
Another common excuse your habit mind might try to throw at you is, “I don’t have the time.” Lady Queen, in essence this means that you feel unworthy of changing those unserving habits. Stop it. You are worthy and you deserve to take the time to prioritize your own sweet self. When your habit mind tries to bamboozle you with this nonsense, say to yourself, “I am worthy and willing to give everything the time it deserves.” Program that one into your phone, too, as a reminder of your awesome Queenliness.
I had one client who was struggling with getting her footing with her finances and would always be moving from a mentality of robbing from one account to pay for another thing. She was in her mid-thirties, lived in rented accommodation, and was living a hand-to-mouth existence. She was running on a low amount of debt, a few thousand pounds, but never quite shifting it. Her belief around finances was she had to work really hard to make any money and it was only then she deserved to receive it. She felt there was no way she could make enough money to get the deposit together for a house. She lived like this for 15 adult years and could see no way out of it.
Then we looked at her childhood beliefs: she’d watched her parents struggle both being self-employed, always saying there was never enough. Her mother died in abject poverty; her father had money, but he would always say it was never enough and only retired when forced at 75. She realized she had adopted their beliefs, so she put in place an affirmation to create a new habit:
“I am financially abundant living a life I love!”
Over the next 18 months, an old business she had started eight years previously suddenly took off and started paying her, so she was then able to live freely and without financial constraints. She cleared all her debt and got a deposit for a house together as well as making some financial investments. All from the power of shifting her habit mind.
How’s that for showing how strong your beliefs are?
While I was in college studying engineering, I went through a time of depression because I realized the work I was doing was unfulfilling. I was torn between what I truly wanted to do versus what my parents, culture and society taught me I should do (homegrown beliefs). I was raised in a family of engineers and teachers and, of course, my parents wanted the same for me — a safe and practical job that I could live from. The thing is my passion lay elsewhere. I wanted to dive into art and animation but felt there was no way to even talk about it. So, I went through a dark night of the soul — but within that time I had a big epiphany. I realized that the only person I needed permission from to live my life as I wanted was myself. It was up to me to pay my rent and light me up — rather than my parents, culture, and society. I broke the bonds others had placed around me and gave myself permission to go down whatever road I needed to. That moment of self-belief, self-love, and courage means I no longer rely on outsiders to make important decisions. It’s a guiding light in any difficult moments I encounter. I became the CEO of my life with no looking back! The new belief was, “I give myself permission to live my life.”
Lady Queen, if we can do it, so can you. Claim this superpower for yourself! Start today by identifying an unserving habit, flipping it on its head, and writing down your new empowering mantra. Program it into your phone so you’ve got reminders to reaffirm your new belief! Claim it loud and proud each time it pops up, and watch those unserving habits get replaced by your new delicious reality!
Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.