Find your Baseline

Did you ever stop to think, Lady Queens, that every single one of your relationships (we mean all, rather than just romantic ones) is a reflection of yourself? Take time to shine a light on all your relationships, and you’ll see that you connect to and attract the people who can show you who you truly are and inspire you towards everything you could be. And hopefully you do the same for them! All the more reason it’s important to know what your relationship baseline is.

Now, as our experiences are both with cisgendered, heterosexual relationships, we will use that as an example — but of course, substitute whatever relationship is right for you.

Also, an important disclaimer: At no time do either of us endorse or encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.

So. If you want to understand how you relate to your feminine aspect when it comes to your partner, it’s important to acknowledge that the masculine way of being and communicating is very different from the feminine way. No better, no worse, just different. However, both culturally and historically, women have been trained to view men as more powerful and intimidating. Ironically, it is women, the feminine, who are the powerful ones in a relationship — even if you feel powerless. The film My Big Fat Greek Wedding summed it up: “The man is the head [of the household], but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.” Yet having that power and knowing how to use it are two very different kettles of fish. (Anyone else think that’s a weird saying? Who keeps fish in a kettle?) As a woman, you really do have the power in your relationship — so, are you using that power wisely and in a Queenly way?

Now, some relationships are worth the time and effort to improve them, but then others are worth walking away from. Both actions take courage, but for the moment, let’s focus on improving relationships. In a relationship you want to work on, you need to know what you desire and how to share that in a caring and honoring way with your partner. As a Queen, you are a loving, passionate, nurturing creature, full of more bravery than you’re aware of. You are far more powerful than you realize — you have an innate gift of connection and intuition. Knowing yourself and always listening to your Queenly wisdoms are some of your many superpowers, and possibly your biggest responsibility in relationships. Because, as we all know, “with great power comes great responsibility.”

So where does this leave men? Unlike what you’ve been trained to believe, men are mostly kind, strong, and ultimately very gentle creatures. With this new perspective, you can learn how they communicate and honor the “Gentle-man-ness” in them. And once you learn their language, you’ll be able to be heard by them. Yes, that’s right — men and women speak different languages. And once you learn this, you’re able to approach them from a place of powerful, true understanding. Two fantastic books to read about the language men speak are The Queen’s Code by Allison Armstrong, and the old classic, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

We’re sure you’re having ideas at this point about what is working in your relationship and what needs improvement. Here are some questions to help you further tune in to what you desire in your relationships:

• What is important for you?
• What needs to die in order for your relationship to be reborn?
• What needs to be born into your relationship for it to live?

By answering these questions honestly, you’ll get an idea of your relationship baseline.

Ok so now you’re probably wondering what this all means on a practical level. For a start, you might find that it’s rather easy to keep a man happy. In fact, here’s an old adge, just for fun — take this with a grain of salt, Queens:

HAPPY MAN = STOMACH FULL, BALLS EMPTY

Or, to quote a man of our acquaintance, “We go a bit crazy if we don’t get milked occasionally.” All joking aside, what we mean is that our partners needs are probably much easier to satisfy than we imagine. If you want to truly been in alignment, share what you’ve learned with your partner and ask how full their Pleasure Meter is. Once you know, you can support each other and build a truly delicious relationship, based on mutual pleasure, trust, and love.

Keep claiming, embodying, and living in a pleasurable relationship — you deserve it!

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, Lady Queens.

Love, Teany and Savannah