Comparing < Connecting

Lady Queens, we have a question, and we want you to be totally honest with yourselves: How many times a day do you compare your own sweet self to other women? We’d bet good money that it happens way more than you realise, because we know it can for us. But, here’s the hard truth: these little comparisons we make every day are holding us all back from banding together in Sisterhood! In order to draw together and form our Sisterhood, you need to start by examining your interactions with women. In these interactions, you might have noticed that competition can often rear its ugly head — and that’s what needs shifting. We all need to move from competition and comparison to compassion and connection.

Time for another reality check where we want you to be totally honest. Have a look at the following, and ask yourself if you’ve ever said or thought anything off this list about another woman:

‘Who does she think she is?’

‘She should NOT be wearing that.

‘Women her size shouldn’t dress like that.’

‘How much filler and Botox do you reckon she’s had?’

‘Must be nice to have a sugar daddy!’

‘She’s lucky she’s pretty, because what a bimbo!’

No judgment here — we’ve all been guilty of thinking or saying these things about other women. At the time, you may have thought it was harmless gossip or idle thoughts in your mind, but here’s the issue: when we’re tearing each other down, there is no lifting happening. This act of tearing down comes on many levels, relating to upbringing, lifestyle, finances, culture, and even wellness. Because these judgemental thoughts come in so many shapes and sizes, oftentimes you’re unaware you’re even doing it.

‘Look how small her engagement ring is.’

‘She needs to cut her hair.’

‘Why is she wearing so much make-up?’

‘Wasn’t she wearing that dress last week?’

‘Oh, she’s not taking care of herself, look at her skin.’

This silent but massive rift between women — this readiness to judge and be judged — is a serious issue, one keeping you from connecting with your sisters. Comparing ourselves to other women, what they have or lack, what they do or so, is competition, plain and simple. And to add to this, when men pay us compliments, it adds fuel to this competitive fire. Some men, known as ‘pickup artists’ know this and use it to their advantage: they will compliment all the women in a group except for the one they want to seduce. This pushes her to compete with the other women to gain the man’s favour, making her easy prey. Or, maybe a nice guy genuinely compliments a lady in a group — regardless of the intention, this can make the other women jealous and see her as competition. The important thing to remember here is how to respond as a Lady Queen in these situations. Remember, you have the ultimate power here! For a start, be aware of where you are comparing, and see where you can respond rather than react.

And always do your best to lift the ladies around you, and all the ladies you encounter. One of the easiest ways to lift other women and begin to mend this rift is to share your life experiences and your ‘she-knowledge’. Perhaps start with something simple that all women can relate to, like our cycles. As you know by now, all women, regardless of assigned gender at birth, have cycles. Ask them simple questions, such as

What part of your cycle are you in?

Maybe you feel that way because you’re in X part of your cycle?

Do you know what part of the month you feel most withdrawn, high energy, most sexy?

By sharing your wisdoms with the ladies in your life, you can help each other rise, support each other, and form your Sisterhood. You can support each other in living your truth and following your pleasure. Can we get a HECK YES to that!?

As always, here’s to claiming, embodying, and living in pleasure.

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.

Love, Savannah and Teany




Queens helping other Queens claim their crowns!

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

Three Reasons Why Bicycles are a Symbol of Women’s Rights

What Does This Miss Know-It-All Say About Feminism?

Marilyn Manson Told Us Who He Was

How To Make Your Bum Look Bigger In A Dress.

This Pussy’s Not Up for Grabs

Feminist Bibliography

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
All About the Queendom

All About the Queendom

Queens helping other Queens claim their crowns!

More from Medium

The Database Lifecycle: Re-engineering the early stages of a startup’s database

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” — Lao Tzu

Working with dates and timezones